Thoughts of a Drewett

When things start to go well....

2012-02-22T13:32:00.000Z

...you wonder when it's going to go wrong.

Maybe that's just me. I'm a skeptical person and I always expect things to go wrong. That way I'm not disappointed if things do go wrong and I'm elated when things go right. When things go right, I normally try to bring myself down to earth by assuring myself that something else will go wrong to equal it out.

Right now, things aren't great in terms of my personal life but my professional life - namely my latest film project - is starting to go well.

For those who don't know, I'm currently in pre-production of a film I wrote and will be directing called "The Alexerudd Affair". It's about two people who meet and change each other's lives. I've been working on it constantly for months and things are beginning to come together. Whilst I'm still trying to gain funding, I've managed to secure props for the film to be used in exchange for credit. Thus far, the props given include books from Indigo Dreams publishers (Loud Voices in the Quiet Child by Dawn Bauling, The Space Between Things by Charlie Hill and Communion by Deborah Harvey) artwork by Bristol based artist Dru Marland and jewellery from Cardiff-based Inspirations of Cardiff. I'm also using music from artist Wavey Biiz and the band Blackbeard's Tea Party. I've also got an impressive cast and some incredible crew members who've been nothing but supportive throughout this process.

There's still much to be done - not least, the actual production which kicks off on May 18th - but I can sit here and be, for once, optimistic.

Writing about a Sensitive Subject

2011-12-29T20:15:00.000Z

As a writer, I feel it's important to treat your subject matter sensitively and seriously, regardless of how mundane it might be. It's only fair for the people reading it and fair for the characters within your creative world. This only grows when dealing with more taboo subjects.

I love to write about things people are scared to discuss but I feel should discuss. In my writing, I've covered a whole range of topics usually centered around people, relationships (of all kinds) and how our behaviour can change people. I'm pretty unafraid in my approach - if the subject is relevant to the plot, it should be treated with respect regardless of your personal beliefs.

My most recent completed script was a re-draft of a film I'm making in May/June 2012. Out of the things it explored, the subject I found the most challenging and the subject I had to be the most delicate with was sexual assault. In the story, a Male Character's Current Girlfriend is missing at the hands of his Ex. He goes to a party a week later and is given a spiked drink. He realises something is wrong and tries to lie down on the bed but his Ex appears, imitating his Current Girlfriend. In his desperation and intoxication, he believes the woman in front of him is his current partner, not his Ex and she starts making out with him. The Current Girlfriend walks in (whilst handcuffed by two of the Ex's friends) and comes to the conclusion her boyfriend is cheating. Two of the lovers' friends find the Male Character in the arms of the Ex. The Female Friend launches into a rage at the Male Character but the Male Friend realizes very quickly that something isn't right and is able to demonstrate in a calm manner and get the Male Character away. The Ex is unrepentant at the damage she has caused which turns out to change the course of the story.

The subject of sexual assault/date rape is a touchy subject with me as it stands for many, many reasons I shan't go into at this moment in time. It's a major subject to come across and a tough one to write about especially when making a male character the victim of sexual assault at the hands of a woman. It's tough when you consider some of the popular attitudes of our culture from celebrities making insensitive comparisons of the attention they receive from the paparazzi to being raped, to advice columnists like Toronto Star's 'Ellie' who told a married woman who was raped in her sleep that her objections to 'sleep sex' may indicate problems within the woman's marriage (Note: Ellie has since apologized.)

It's also tough to write about this because it's a male character being sexually assaulted by a female character. I've been warned that it could look both anti-men and anti-women at the same time by concerned friends: anti men because it "shows a man being weak and powerless", anti women because it "shows a woman's life being centered around a man constantly." The reason the Male Character is weak against what happens to him at the time is because he's been drugged - that would effect anyone in the same way regardless of their gender. I don't show the Ex's obsession with getting the Male Character as being a positive attitude that women should aspire to...it's the opposite. She isn't dependant on men - she's dependant on her need to be given whatever she wants the way she wants it to be whether it's from her friends or from her love interest.

Another criticism I've had is not knowing enough about the subject from the perspective of the people involved to have any authority writing about it. I am quick to point out that I'm not writing a factual article, I'm writing a story. Writers have written about subjects that they don't necessarily have first-hand experience in (unless J.R.R. Tolkein really came across the Ring and went on an epic journey to destroy it or Bram Stoker was actually a vampire himself.) I still did research into accounts of people who've been affected by sexual assault, research on convicted rapists...I made sure I got a full scope of the subject beyond my own life experiences so that when I came to write about it I gave it my full effort which - I suspect - is more than other commentators on the subject may have done before me.

An Open Letter to Michele Bachmann (that she probably won't read)

2011-09-23T22:01:00.000+01:00

Congresswoman Bachmann,

My name is Jennifer Drewett. I'm in my early twenties and reside in Cardiff, Wales. I've never set foot in the United States but I'm massively interested in global politics.

I've been paying attention to American politics for quite some time, especially now with the current Presidential race. I'm amazed by the stark differences and similarities between US and UK politics. Unfortunately, you've managed to show an ugly side to your side of the Pond's politics by once again using fear-mongering tactics to inflame scared people for short-term gain. You did this by claiming the HPV vaccine causes, in your own words, "mental retardation".

No wait - you didn't make the claim. You were merely repeating a story a supporter told you in Tampa, Florida. Whilst claiming that the HPV vaccine is a "very dangerous drug" that can lead to "mental retardation." Of course you didn't make that claim . . .

I'll get to the point: your claim is not only medically inaccurate but insanely dangerous. The HPV vaccine is designed to protect women from cervical cancer. I thought you'd be in favour of this - don't you want to look out for your fellow women? Isn't that why you prohibited funding to Planned Parenthood in January 2011? Isn't that why you voted in favour of banning federal health coverage that includes abortion in June 2011? You claim that we don't know enough about the vaccine and what it does except there are many medical experts who have conducted years of research into what the vaccine does and the possible side effects. Congresswoman, are you suggesting that you have more expertise than them? Have you conducted research into the effects of the vaccine besides having one conversation with one voter in one state?

Congresswoman Bachmann, you are endangering young womens' lives for the sake of your own gain. That is not what the Founding Fathers would do. That is not what Jesus would do. Seeing as you seem bothered to follow in the example of both, retract your statement on the HPV vaccine and apologise for causing unnecessary alarm.

Remake, Remake, Remake

2011-04-17T11:29:00.000+01:00

Quite a few people have accused me of being a cynic when it comes to Hollywood and contemporary films namely because I believe it's full of unnecessary remakes and needless sequels. Whilst looking over some of the films that are due to be released this year, my cynicism is hardly misplaced. Here are some of the films coming out this year:

*Scream 4 (sequel)
*X-Men: First Class (remake/sequel?)
*Transformers Dark of the Moon (sequel)
*Conan the Barbarian (remake)
*Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1 (sequel...the less said about it, the better)
*Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (sequel)
*Fast and the Furious 5 (sequel)
*Arthur (remake)
*Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rules (sequel)
*Cars 2 (sequel)
*Spiderman (remake)

What on earth is up with these sequels and remakes? I'm sure they make money (Lord knows how or why) but creatively, this is poisonous. The industry is becoming full of lazy, uninteresting ideas and it's really infuriating. As a film student who wishes to create genuinely interesting films, it's saddening to know the industry seems to have killed originality. I know of film makers who are creating some uniquely interesting and fascinating pieces from a documentary about two friends who are athletes at the ages of 90 and 83 to a short film about a skater passing by a surreal world to a story about a man struggling to get to work. And yet these kind of interesting stories are seldom produced in the current mainstream film industry world.

Don't get me wrong: not all sequels suck (the original three Star Wars was pretty decent and the Toy Story sequels were good) and not all remakes are total disasters (the recent True Grit remake was actually good although the original is very good). I'm just against them by principle: I believe that films should be these amazing pieces with a solid original story, multi-dimensional characters one could relate to, flowing dialogue and an interesting storyline. I don't believe it should be the same old generic dude in the generic superhero costume causing ridiculous explosions whilst a woman roams in the background in scantily clad clothes. I don't believe it should be the same old generic woman who finds the "perfect man" who knows absolutely every thought she has and is the most-important-person-ever-ever-ever.

I'm not trying to say the industry CAN'T do these films: they make money off of it and that's their priority ("It's the money Lebowski!"). I just think the film industry is screwing itself with it's simplicity.

So I've been mega busy lately...

2011-04-12T09:44:00.000+01:00

...and I haven't blogged in a while (sorry.) Now that I'm no longer employed, Tequila radio has stopped airing and there's a holiday afoot, I'll definitely have more blogging time.

Today's blog will be brief and namely full of links. First of all, there's my interview with Ana Kasparian on The Young Turks University show about the London protests that took place. Second, there's my Mother's writer page on Facebook where you can keep up to date with her writing adventures. And thirdly, here's a hilarious video summerising the beliefs of the birthers. No, really.

Happy blogging xxx

Cutting where it hurts

2011-02-05T01:29:00.000Z

The economy went into a free-fall a couple of years ago - no news there. Since then, we in Britain have gained a new government in the form of the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition government. Or as I like to call them, the Con-Demmers (...see what I did there? No? OK.) They've been making cuts a variety of different government departments including Department of Welfare and Pensions and the Department of Health. There have been cuts to benefits and disability services among many other things including Education and Defence.

This leads me to the crux of the issue that's currently bothering me - my brother's accommodation, one which is a semi-independent house with support for disabled young adults, is having their funding cut. Not by 1%. Not by 10% but 100%. Yup. That's right - their funding is being cut to pieces with hardly a thing to its name. My brother will have to move away eventually and my Mum will have to begin finding yet more alternatives. This is on top of fighting for his Incapacity Benefit, which the government deemed he didn't deserve because...well I'm not sure why. Something about him being very much incapable hense capable.

I was going to run and rant from that point about the cuts not doing anything apart from punish people - some of which, like my brother and mother, who don't deserve it at all. Instead, I'll borrow the words of my Mum. This was something she posted during a Facebook status discussion when the funding cut news came in. I wanted to share them:

‎'Dave' Cameron claimed DLA for his disabled son. I know his son was entitled to it, but the fact that 'Dave' is a multi-millionaire and didn't need it makes him one of those 'benefit scroungers' the Tories love to hate, in my eyes anyhow.

It sticks in my throat that we have to be pleasant to politicians while we are trying to keep Elmfield School open. I have added the Lib Dems to my loathe list now, for betraying all those who voted for them, including my daughters and many other young people opposed to student loans/tuition fees and spurious wars. But more than that, for these short-sighted cuts that hit those who already have enough to contend with in a society that discriminates against difference rather than supporting and celebrating it.

It's not even as if the cuts are working: the economy is shrinking, unemployment is growing, and people are are living in misery and fear for the future. I will celebrate when I see bankers shopping in Poundstretcher, the super rich paying the same taxes pro rata as I do, and smug, wealthy, restaurant-smashing, old Etonian Tories out of office for the next three decades."

That generally sums up my opinion down to a T. Whether you agree with me or not is not the issue - I know a few friends who'll go the opposite direction and whilst I whole-heartedly disagree with them, it makes no difference for me to be friends with them. I would just like to see how cutting money from services for the disabled is going to remotely help. What would really bring the money in is taxing those who evade taxes and cutting the pay MPs receive - for starters!

Is Kenneth Tong correct?

2011-01-15T02:20:00.000Z

Are women only attractive when they're size zero?
If you're someone whose attracted to women, regardless of your gender, do you think women are only attractive as size-zero?
Should a woman have to “risk [her] life dieting than be sub-par by being a plus-size" in order to stand a chance with anyone, let alone you?
Is anorexia some subjective concept and not, as many qualified medical profesionals have said, a deadly eating disorder with a 20% fatality rate?
Are women idiots for having "sex for free"?
These questions are things Kenneth Tong all answered with a 'yes' during an incredibly disturbing yet irrevocably interesting interview with Johann Hari, a columnist for The Independant and Huffington Post.
The interview says it all when it comes to this man - a woman-hating, greedy, self-important sociopath with no proper idea of how his words will affect people. Particularly the young women who are currently following him on Twitter.

Rather than ranting, I'll just show examples of what Kenneth Tong considers attractive and see what he thinks should be the norm for women.

Anyone who is attracted to women: would you want this too?

A desperate, yet ultimately futile, attempt at gaining sleep

2011-01-11T03:07:00.000Z

I know I only blogged about an hour ago but this calls for it somewhat.
Basically, I've not been able to get to sleep until the early hours for a while. During my holiday time, it was ok but now it's just annoying. I always manage to wake up on time but I'm not half cranky for lack of sleep.
In a desperate bid for shut-eye (and because no one was online), I wrote an open letter to whatever-the-hell-keeps-me-awake-through-the-night.

Dear whatever-the-hell-keeps-me-awake-through-the-night (probably something related to insomnia),

Please let me get to sleep. I have lectures to attend throughout the day. I don't want to fall asleep and make an arse of myself on my first day back into lessons.
I've blogged, attempted handstands, talked on the phone, texted on the phone, walked around the house in cold pjs, worked on re-drafts of film scripts, counted sheep, stared at the wall in total darkness and none of that has helped in the slightest.
I would be less moan-y if this didn't happen every night and every night, people are asleep LIKE I SHOULD BE. I don't want to bother people when I'm like this anyway - I'm hardly a competent talker in this state. My spelling goes out of the window and I start to look incredibly stupid.
If you could look into your heart (if you have a heart and eyes, that is) and let me fall asleep at decent hours from now on, I'd be greatful and in a far better mood.

Yours, JD

On that note, I bid farewell until the next blog! In the mean time, check out the Facebook fanpage to the radio show I do on Tequila Radio

The Filton-Cardiff move: 6 months later

2011-01-11T01:53:00.000Z

I moved to Cardiff at the beginning of July 2010...the first time I moved away from home 3 months shy of turning 21. Needless to say, I felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement. I thought this was going to be a giant adventure full of crazy antics and memories that shan't erase from memory in the near-future. I realised there'd be some challenges in store.

A view of Bute Park looking towards Millenium Stadium

I wasn't wrong. Moving from Filton to Cardiff was quite an adjustment - I suddenly had to act more like an adult and take on normal-adult responsibilities like buying the weekly groceries, cooking meals and doing the laundry. I never realised just how much I'd relied on my Mother for these things until I moved away. Needless to say, whenever I've returned home for visits I've been pleased I haven't had to cook. Whilst I've managed to avoid giving myself food poisoning thus far, my cooking skills could be quite a lot better.

The first meal I made myself in Cardiff. In retrospect, I shouldn't have been quite so proud of it.

Dealing with living with people who aren't my family is probably the bigger challenge. I moved in with four university friends in my course (at the time) who kindly invited me to live with them when we were searching for houses. I figured living with them would be really straight forward: we got on well and they were sensible people who'd all lived away from home before. I'm learning from them constantly thing I couldn't have learnt living in the family home but it's a steep learning curve. The one thing that came with living with other people that I found challenging is a wierd one: dealing with 'the noises'. You know the ones I'm on about: the ones every adult comes across at least once in their lives whether they're causing them or, if you're me, overhearing them when trying to fall into a peaceful sleep. It's something overcome within the household with immature humour and innuendo. Lots and lots of innuendo.

An example of our 'maturity'

The differences between Cardiff and Filton itself has been a minor yet significant adjustment. Every road sign, road signal, city names, most billboards all have English & Welsh all over them. This initially proved to be quite perplexing to get used to for a woman whose spent the majority of life living in the West Country where the principle language was...well...Mandarin...by which I mean English of course (my attempts at humour are awful.Sorry.) It might've just been my autistic brain overcomplicating a relatively simple system but in my first month or so, it took me forever to read any of the road signs or any adverts that were around bus stops or shops. Suffice to say, I'm much better now although I did make the awful mistake of misreading direction signs and ended up in Cardiff Bay when trying to get to Canton because I confused the English and Welsh (Anyone who knows either area/Cardiff in general will get how awful this mistake was!)

With all the difficult sides, you'd wonder whether I've enjoyed my transition. Honestly? I've loved it! My closest friends, most of which had moved away from home for university, told me that as soon as I move away I'll have some of the most life-defining moments of my life. They weren't wrong. I've re-started university, made new friends, gained new skills, created a 4-minute film with two classmates, found the confidence to legally change my last name {the move gets partial credit for that} and finally started to move on from the darkness I was experiencing within my life. I even dated - albeit only on two different occasions and it only ever got to 'friends' but that was a major thing for me to embark on as, at the age of 20, I'd never done it. I did two different spates of work experience - both of which I learnt from and enjoyed greatly. I've been able to find the sort of confidence in myself I didn't think I could ever, ever do.

Don't get me wrong: I absolutely MISS Filton. I always miss my family, my friends and the house I spent 14 1/2 years of my life living in all the time. I enjoy being able to go back for visits despite everything that has happened, especially in the past 2 years. I like being able to stroll around the centre of Bristol and reliving happier memories. I loved spending Christmas with my family and spending New Years with the majority of my closest friends. No matter how much I go on about enjoying Cardiff, Filton is always going to be the most important place. It's where I grew up, where everything unfolded and the shape of my character did the most forming.

Monks Park, coming in from one of the Filton entrances, in the mist

Bristol city centre fountains at night

A church along Newport Road (the bit by Mercure Hotel) during the snow

***Update from the blog "A thought provoking point in one's life", the decree absolute came through at long last just under a week ago. Several people told me they read my blog and were keen to know how that part of life was getting on. Thanks for your kind words and well-wishes***

Sarah Palin's a feminist...apparently.

2011-01-02T22:17:00.000Z

Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know. I know, I know, I know, I know. I can hardly start to explain how wrong it feels to have the name 'Sarah Palin' and the word 'feminist' in the same sentance. Unfortunately, it seems to be happening anyway because that's the way she wants to portray herself. Plus someone I know mentioned that they heard about Sarah Palin being a feminist which I was quick to disagree with.

If you've been living in a cave lately (or don't follow American politics), Sarah Palin was the vice-presidential candidate in a God-awful presidential campaign by John McCain and the Republican party in 2008. They didn't get in (of course) and Sarah Palin was widely ridiculed for a variety of different things from her constant non-answers to really easy questions like 'Which newspapers do you read?' to her appalling legislations she conducted as Governer of Alaska. As shocked as I was that someone like her was picked as a Vice-Presidential candidate over far more qualified people, I figured that after the election she'd go away and I'd forget all about her.... *soft giggles* I can be incredibly stupid sometimes.

Ever since the 2008 US President election, she's been getting more and more attention and people are beginning to actually take her seriously, culminating into her becoming a celebrity. Currently she has her own 'reality' show called "Sarah Palin's Alaska" on TLC, acts as a contributer on FOX News, has released two books and become a spokesperson for the Tea Party movement in the US. She's also got her own Political Action Committee called "Sarah PAC" and is a part of the 'Pink Elephant movement'. Through these mediums, she's trying to convince voters that she is all for women and womens' rights. Her position can be summed up by this ad she created for Sarah PAC.

Call me ignorant but she doesn't scream 'feminist' to me in that ad or in her public image. She screams 'alarmist money-grabber who'll do anything to make a quick buck.' In the ad she says absolutely nothing about how she stands up for women, what legislation she's supported in aid of women's rights or what she would do for women if elected into whatever position it is she's running for (allegedly for President in 2012...it wouldn't surprise me if the Republicans get desperate enough to choose her as their candidate). If you thought the Sarah PAC website was any different in information sharing, think again!

There is nothing within her legislative history as Governor of Alaska or Mayor of Wasilla that suggests she is for women. Whilst Mayor of Wasilla, she charged women for rape kits. She believes that abortion should never be allowed unless the woman's life is in danger. She won't even let rape victims get abortions if they chose to have one. She's a member of the Feminists For Life group. She is a massive supporter of the Abstinence Only movement that makes people pledge their virginities to God and is opposed to comprehensive sex education (that is despite the fact that her daughter Bristol allegedly went by abstinence only then ended up having a child at 17.) This is all when she's not bashing on about how healthcare reform would lead to the creation of 'death panels' and deciding that refundiate is her getting Shakespearean (yes, she said that.)

None of the above is feminist, in my opinion. I'd like to stress that this is opinion - people seem to think that when I express my opinion I'm saying I'm right. I could be wrong but the evidence available seems to suggest what I suspect on this matter. There's a chance she THINKS she's a feminist because she wants to force women to become mothers whether they want to continue their pregnancies or not. Then again, maybe not. Maybe this is another arm of her entire money-making schtick. I'm probably wasting my time bitching about it but it just bothers me that some female celebrities (or 'celebrities') like Heidi Montag and Carrie Prejean are promoting themselves as 'feminist' or 'female role models' just for the sake of money-making and profiteering. Sarah Palin just makes it all the more unbearable.

Anyway, because it's the New Year season I feel obliged to round this off with something cheery like a Simon's Cat cartoon or this Potter Puppet Pals video. Maybe I should end with shameless promoting of the film I made with two of my classmates in a university assignment that just so happens to be on YouTube on one of the crew's channel. Maybe I should just tell you to check out this genuinely awesome music video from the 1980s.

Or maybe I should just say: "Happy New Year". Your choice :)

A thought provoking point in one's life

2010-11-15T03:09:00.000Z

I can't help but think about my life a bit too much lately. I think it's partly to do with the week I'm facing this week: CBT tomorrow morning, Citizen Kane exam on Wednesday and my parents (hopefully) final court day on Thursday. This is running alongside the normal routine of university lectures. I'm sure I'll spend most of it wishing I was doing a lot of other things: travelling, seeing friends, meeting new people, writing and generally indulging in escapism. With the exam, I'm sure I can indulge in whatever I like straight afterwards. With the other two, it's not so easy. Especially Thursday where I'll have to continue with life's normalities whilst in the knowledge that my parents are fighting each other in court. It's the same with my siblings, I'm very sure!

I can't help but wonder what I've come away with from this experience that's dragged itself on since the shitty evening of the 20th January 2009. There's a definite bad side to it all: struggling with a really dark depression, dealing with the fact that my siblings and I were forced to live a lie under a bullying parent who decided to fuck off anyway, dealing with all the issues that have come out of it all - there's not a lot of room for hope. My absolute closest and dearest will know how much I've despaired at the seemingly hopeless existence I still sometimes feel I have.

Yet I can see a bright side to it all: I am finally beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, at long bloody last. There are a few things I've learnt but this is the most important: I'm finally beginning to learn to like myself. I've spent most of my life being utterly convinced I was totally unattractive, platonically and romantically, in looks and personality. Whilst I am still adamant that every one of my friends are jaw-droppingly beautiful in comparison to me and I'm nothing special in terms of looks, I'm beginning to enjoy aspects of my personality. I take pride in being a shameless film nerd who can sit and analyse absolutely every film I see to the nth degree.

Most importantly, I feel that life is going to be ultimately okay because I have my friends, my three siblings and my Mother (sarcastic sidenote: what a surprise that it's not my Mum that I'm estranged from!). These are the people that love me in absolutely every way no matter what. They've been there for me thick and thin and I would be completely lost without them. I couldn't be more greatful for the fact that I can call my siblings and just tell them I feel like crap and they'd normally be able to tell why.

I used to hate the idea of being at home when I lived with my Estranged Parent. I hated the prospect of returning home for visits when I initially moved to Cardiff. Now? Now I feel happy when I get off the train to be greeted by my Mother. I feel welcomed by my barmy dog Ted whenever he begins leaping all over me in joy of simply seeing me (I do implement some form of discipline on him after - I'm not much of a softie!)

For the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward to the Christmas holidays. I'm able to see a good amount of my hometown friends for the brief few days I'm home. I'm hopeful that some of them will also come to see me whilst I'm in Cardiff (most of the holidays - including New Year). I hope that whoever is left in Cardiff will want to see me as much as I want to see them (by the way, I want to see you guys a lot - every one of you =] no exceptions!).

So what am I getting at in this blog? I'm getting at this: For the first time in my life, I'm developing a life I can draw pleasure from. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life because it's going to be fantastic.

Liz, Will, Samuel and I whilst growing up. This picture is from 1998.

Liz, Samuel, William and I with Ted the dog in June 2010. This is the most recent picture of us all together

My Mum and Ted in 2010

P.S. I don't tend to do blogs that are this personal but I'm making an exception for today :-) Normal ranting will resume soon!

Sex Gone Wild - Tapes, Pictures and all!

2010-10-16T22:18:00.000+01:00

There's quite a lot that confuses me about people. Why do people who are a size 6 (size 2 US) insist on trying to lose weight? Why would anyone find it acceptable to smack someone's bum without permission? Why would anyone be convinced that Cheryl Cole can sing?

But there's something I've always wondered and still can't seem to get my head around: Why does anyone send nude pictures of themselves and/or make sextapes? I don't get it. There are constant stories relating to this kind of thing whether it's a celebrity like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian or Heidi Montag (ok, maybe not celebrity...) in some "sextape scandal" or a story about a secondary school students getting into some trouble because they were selling on their current/ex partner's nude pictures.

I guess, in respect to the celebrity sex tapes, it's a way of grabbing attention and making money. I know that sounds candid and insensitive but when you hear about how Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag, Paris Hilton, Kendra Wilkinson and Rick Solomon made money off of their own sex tapes' distributions whilst bitching that such sex tapes were even out there, it's hard to find any sympathy for them. If they'd just been upfront and said "Yeah I'm releasing a sex-tape", people would still have problems with it but at least you're not fabricating a load of painful bullshit that always comes back to bite you in the bum later.

Whenever these stories come out about celebrities with their sextapes, it sends out a bad message to others. Sure, they get criticism for it but it's playing into people's hands: the people who made the material public are getting attention and that may well be why they did it in the first place. I have younger family members who are at a range of impressionable ages - I really don't want them to look at Paris Hilton and go "She had a sex tape and she got lots of people wanting her. If I want to be wanted, I must do what she did.".

With that in mind, the same question rages through my head because I don't truly understand: why the HELL do they do this in the first place? Why would anyone take nude pictures of themselves and send it off? It seems incredibly stupid to me - there's no gurantee that any relationship would last no matter how much you feel for someone else or how hard you tried to make it work. People split up all the time and some have uglier break-ups than others. If you had a partner and you guys broke up and they had nude images of you, they could always spread it around the merry cyberspace or send a copy around to mutual friends.

I know relationships are (supposed to be) happy times where you trust and share with each other but does no one ever take a nude picture of themselves and think "Wait, what would happen if we broke up? Could I live with it if my partner turned into a douchebag and spread this picture around?" I have a few dear friends who have engaged in taking pictures of themselves in various sexual positions or in full nude pictures. I know a fair few who've even made videos of them having sex with their partners or of them masturbating. Whilst it shocked me at first and I thought it was a really stupid idea, I just said that it's their choice and nothing I could say would change that. Unfortunately, half of those have not only since broken up with their partners but their pictures have ended up on the internet at one point or another. One very close friend of mine had theirs smeared all over Facebook in a huge barrage of constant harassment from their ex, justifying themselves by proclaiming that they were just proving that my friend was a whore, a liar and a sex fiend. This was nearly two years ago now: my friend has moved on with their life and is doing much better now, thanks very much. They won't ever forget what happened - neither will I. No matter how far you move on, the fact that those pictures were ever seen by the public will always stick to memory. Best solution? Don't do it in the first place.

I'm aware that I sound a bit preachy but I just can't help but feel that it should be obvious: sex pictures, 'sexting' and sextapes are ticking time-bombs of trouble and sheer horror. As someone whose never been in a relationship throughout their entire life, I cannot fully comprehend how anyone could logically decide that that kind of thing is a good idea in any instance. Maybe I'm completely underestimating the power of feelings you may have towards a partner that makes you fully trust them enough to say to their partners: "You want a sexy, nude picture of me? Sure - give me a minute!"

Don't get my title wrong: I'm not a prudish person who believes sex/sexuality is a dirty, taboo subject. I just think that sexting, sex pictures, sex tapes etc.etc. are incredibly stupid and an example of Sex Gone Wild.

So I've started blogging...

2010-10-13T19:31:00.000+01:00

And I'm really not sure what I'm hoping to achieve out of all this, if I'm totally honest.

It seems like a natural step forward: I already vlog on YouTube (www.youtube.com/user/Jennybean89) and sometimes people prefer to read rather than watch. Plus it means they don't have to look at my face which sometimes look like a small train-wreck.

Yet I'm still struggling to see how I'll carry on this thing or what I'll talk about. I guess it'll be a work in progress and hopefully not just from sitting in my bedroom in the student house I stay in in Cardiff during university term-time.

I want to avoid talking in grand details about things that are too personal although the nature of my personal life means that it could become hard to do. I don't want to become one of those overly-moaning, bulshy, over-critical people who believes they are always right no matter what. If I wanted to do that, I might as well track down Laura Mulvey and begged her to adopt me at all costs.

What I would like to do is maybe show a glimpse of what I think about or what happens. I know a lot of people are a bit like that yet I feel I have an interesting angle. Yeah, you've totally heard THAT before! I think I stand a little different from the crowd as there are things in my life I may discuss that give me a clear distinction. You'll probably have to bear with me - I don't want to give myself away before you've had the chance to get settled in. It would be a little like having sex on a first date to someone you want to be with in the long-term: if you want to go for it then do so however I wouldn't because it would feel like giving myself away without thinking through the consequences. Just my opinion: apparently I come off as a bit of a prude so I could be very wrong.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the following blogs that'll come up soon and I hope to hear from you :)